The Curse of the Raging Hormones
by TheSadisticAngel
Summary: Will, a widower, embarks on his drunken friend's ship. A lot of drinking involved. During a rum raid, a mysterious figure boards the ship.
1. Loss

Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean, or any of the related characters,   
  
trademarks, or logos. Darn.  
  
Note: HERE! I FIXED THE @#%#$@ THING! The meanies made me cry sniff. Happy now?! Sorry to everyone else who didn't hurt my last little feeling. Now I'm down to 1/8 of a feeling... PLease review NICELY. No more yelling, k? And name calling. I sad. (over two $#@^ mistakes...yeesh).  
  
Chapter 1: Loss  
  
:::::::::::::::: Background ::::::::::::::::  
  
Three years have passed since the first film. One year after the film, Will, and   
  
Elizabeth married. Two years "", Elizabeth, and their child, Benjamin, died during labor.   
  
Two months ago Will, morose with pain, joined Jack's crew as first mate. Jack handles   
  
the loss by drinking even more heavily (if that's possible), and Will began to drink as   
  
well.  
  
::::::::::::::::Story::::::::::::::::  
  
[On board of the Black Pearl's deck]  
  
Will, deeply saddened, stares at the open ocean. Jack, walks to Will, and places a   
  
drunk, consoling hand on Will's shoulder. The other hand clutches a half empty rum   
  
bottle.  
  
Jack: Ah, Willy. Buck up for your oppressor of the female race is gone now. You are free   
  
once more to taste the fine rum of any woman's liking.  
  
Will: Don't you mean wine?  
  
Jack ( O_o ): Whatever, lad.  
  
Will: I don't want to taste any woman. I loved Elizabeth. She was a fine woman.  
  
Jack: Aye, she was. An' your lad would have been a fine lad too.   
  
Will: Benjamin! 'Tis sad to think that he barely took a breathe before he was taken from   
  
me. My poor boy.   
  
  
  
Jack: Aye, rum?  
  
Will: Yes.   
  
Jack (gives Will the bottle): 'Ere you go.  
  
Will (guzzles it): Not all the rum in the word would be enough to fill the hole in my heart.   
  
Jack: Now you sound like one of them accur'd freaks of LOUD belch unnature.   
  
Will: You were one for a while.   
  
Jack: True, but a freak isn't a freak if he wasn't a freak for long. A freak that wasn't a   
  
freak for long, and returned to normal isn't a total freak. Just a partial idiot Starts to think   
  
about what he just said).  
  
Will: .....I need more rum.   
  
Jack (pats Will on the back): Huzzah! There are some bottles in the brig.  
  
Will: You drank all of it again, didn't you?  
  
Jack: I never said that they were full, lad.  
  
Will: Rum raid?  
  
Jack: Rum raid.  
  
Will: Rum raid.  
  
Jack (unsheathes his sword): RUM RAID! (runs to the helm)  
  
Will: sigh I guess I'll assemble everyone...  
  
Everyone is assembled on deck, and Jack (getting a hangover), is pacing, and   
  
muttering something about barley.   
  
Will: Jack....Jack! ...JACK!  
  
Jack: Huh? Oh, hello fellow comrades. We are out ...of rum... again... And thus saying so,   
  
we are going to raid the small community of San Pedro. Boys, put 'our best hat on, for   
  
there are many fine ladies there.  
  
Santa Maria: You'll never change will you, Jack?  
  
Jack (opens his mouth to speak, holds a finger up, and hesitates): ....Never! Now! We get   
  
rum!  
  
And so our dashing heroes...  
  
Ana Maria: AHEM  
  
  
  
...AND heroines (do you really want to be called dashing? It's like calling you   
  
handsome.)  
  
Ana Maria: ....Well, I'm not dainty.   
  
Whatever. Our dashing crew is sailing to the shores of San Pedro to get their daily   
  
liquor requirement. But first... Jack's hangover! Hee hee hee... 


	2. Jack's Hangover

Disclaimer: You know...  
  
Note: I am evil! Watch Jack squirm! Mwahahahaha.  
  
  
  
Chapter 2: Hangover  
  
[On deck]  
  
Jack (barfing overboard): ...  
  
Will: Your really shouldn't drink so much.  
  
Jack: Never (stands, and points to the sky) shall I (collapses into Will's arms) become   
  
sober! For what's the fun in that? For if a drunkard drinks, but loses what makes him   
  
drunk, then what is a drunkard without his drink?!  
  
Will (O_o): I won't even comment on that one.  
  
Jack: However in your silence you say much. For if a picture is worth a thousand words,   
  
than your silence is worth an equal amount. And if your silence is worth a thousand   
  
words then you are not really silent at all.  
  
Will: Here we go again.  
  
Jack: And what's a blacksmith without his forge? For if...  
  
This went on for hours. Will eventually fell asleep, and Jack finally passed out. I   
  
don't know what's worse: Jack's talking, or his snoring. Also, Jack didn't squirm.. oh   
  
well. Will did instead. Hee hee. 


	3. A Pirate's Life for Me

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Pirates of the Car., or any of the related characters. This holds for all chapters of the fan fiction, so that I don't have to type this repeatedly. Thank you.

**Note**: Sorry it has been so long since I updated it. Life has been odd, and busy, and chaotic..(mumbles). Wellz, review please, tell people to read it, and no flames please. Who came up with the whole flames thing anyways? Also, the whole "what's the fun in that" thing is a recurring theme because I'm bored, and say so, so um, yeah…Well, here:

Chapter 3: A Pirates Life for Me 

**Will**: At last. San Pedro. Home of the finest wines, and rums.

**Jack**: And women.

**Will**: Do you ever stop thinking with (uncomfortably)…It?

**Jack** (pats will on the back): And what would be the fun in that?

**Will**: (changing subject) Before I left home, I forged this sword. Take it.

**Jack** (gives it a hard looking over): Looks good. Thank you. (smiles) Ol' Bootstrap would be happy, lad.

**Will**: And sad?

**Jack**: And sad (sheathed it). Let's go!

     The boat set out its dinghies (in a couple senses of the word, except the perverted one…) And they came to the locked up city. Everyone had seen the Black Pearl, and sheltered themselves in their houses.

     Jack knew where he was going (it was his favorite place to raid), and walked staggeringly to the pub. The door was shut, and he bent over, and knocked on the door daintily. He stood up, and then had an idea. He turned the doorknob while singing the first line to "Oh Danny Boy" as he went in.

**Will**: God help us all. Please. Really. (enters)

**Jack**: Danny! I need more rum! And where's that darling wife of yours?

**Will**: Have you no decency?

**Jack**: I never said I did, and –

**Will** (interrupts): "What's the fun in that."

**Jack**: No, I was going to say, "I never want to." Ha. Not so predictable now am I, lad?

     A rather large, middle aged, smelly man entered the pub from upstairs. He obviously hadn't bathed in months. How anyone could stay around him long enough to have a pint was anybody's guess.

**Danny**: Jack! (Points a pistol @ Jack) What did I tell you about comin' here?

**Will**: Mount Shasta! (ducks under a table)

**Jack** (straitens his back, and bows): My dear provider of alcoholic beverages-

**Danny** (shoots @ Jack, but misses): …Damn.

**Jack**: If I didn't now better I'd say that was aimed at me.

**Danny**: Jack! I told you that you weren't welcome here, so leave!

**Jack**: Harsh. Perhaps after tonight I shant do business here any further. (goes to bar counter, and leans on it. He begins to suck up) So, how's that daughter of yours?

     She waves, and giggles from the stairway. Her mother does likewise. Both are ugly, and large. Jack smiles, and waves back, and abruptly turns to Danny with a stern face.

**Jack**: But seriously, I need liquor. Rum (grabs Danny's shirt). Lots of rum!

**Will** (still under the table): And wine!

     Both look at Will with a confused look, and then each other.

**Danny**: West Caribbean?

**Jack**: Yes, everything you've got.

**Danny**: Fine. 1593?

**Jack**: You know me well!

**Danny** (nods, begins to walk to cellar door, but stops): Oh, and Jack, if you ever call me Danny again, I will shoot you.

**Jack**: No you won't.

**Danny**: Yes, I will!

**Jack**: You'd shoot at me, but not shoot me. You have poor aim.

**Danny**: Dumb idiot.

     Danny goes into the cellar, and his family returns upstairs.

**Will**: He's got you figured out.

**Jack** (hands on hips): Well, if he did he wouldn't have resisted, would he?

**Will** (doesn't know which way to take that, but decides he meant it as in resisted selling rum): Perhaps he did for the mere thought that he has hope to stop you yet.

**Jack**: Aye, but in being sober- What's the fun in that? 

**Will**: I have yet to see you fully sober, my friend.

**Danny** (enters with two large barrels): Get the rest yourself. 

**Jack**: That's me boy! (sings) Oh, Danny boy…

**Will**: I should help him. (gives a coin to Danny) Here.

**Danny**: Much obliged. Oh, tell Jack to go to New Farnsworth, and see Josephine. It's important.

**Will**: I shall good sir. (goes into cellar)

**Danny**: If I didn't now better, I'd say he's ol' Bootstrap's boy. But didn't his boy die? Ah well, time for sleep. (Goes upstairs)

**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_**

[Black Pearl]

     A sleeping shipmate holds watch as a smell dinghy rows to her side. The boat appeared from the shadows, and a black-cloaked figure climbed onto the side easily. It managed to scuttle the dinghy, and climbed onboard. It then goes below deck without even a footstep.

**Note**: Good chappie? I want some reviews, okie-day? Please?!


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